Confession time: I watch “Mama June: From Not to Hot.”

*hangs head in shame and avoids eye contact*

I can’t turn away! I can’t help it, it’s an obsession! But even you all have to admit that her transformation is pretty frickin’ phenomenal. Over 400lbs and a size 28, all the way down to a size 4. And she has let the cameras see all her set backs, her stress eating, her struggles, the loose skin post-weight-loss, gaining back some weight post surgeries, loosing it again, and the residual affects left from all her years of being obese (joint issues, knee pain, etc.). There is one thing she did, though, from which I have drawn some inspiration: a goal dress. She got a bright red “goal dress” to show up wearing at Sugar Bear’s wedding to rub in everyone’s faces. I decided I too needed a goal dress, and when I saw the perfect one when browsing Zulily one day, I ordered it, and it arrived yesterday.

I am not worried at all about this showing that much leg on me. When this dress hangs on my 5′ 0″ frame, that slit will hit muuuuuuuch lower than what you see on this tall, leggy model. What really makes me nervous is the wide open back! I have never worn anything with a bare back before. But I wanted to choose something not only as a size goal, but also something for which I will really to have to bust my hump to sculpt and tone.

I never went to homecoming or prom…*cue sad backstory music*…so I never went dress shopping for a semi-formal or a formal dress. And even when planning my wedding, I never did a big dress shopping moment like on Say Yes To the Dress. Our wedding was in January 2004 and, for some inexplicable reason, in 2003 it was impossible to find a long-sleeved dress in any bridal store in Kansas — thankfully, my mom is an expert seamstress and was able to make my dress for me. But still, I have not once in my life ever done the girly-girl thing and tried on loads of fancy dresses and twirled around in front of the dressing room mirrors with my friends. So, this is my chance, and I’m all grown up now and get to show some leg and a little cleavage if I damn well choose! I have no idea if I’ll ever get the chance to wear this anywhere outside of my closet, but for $34 it was a small enough investment to make to at least know that I CAN.

I can feel my motivation growing exponentially lately, the fire is being rekindled by my hatred for how I look in all my clothes. I want all those old, fat-clothes gone; I want to replace them all with things in normal, healthy sizes for someone of my height and frame. This week has been a great week for cleaning out the pantry and fridge of all unhealthy things — again. By the time I’m ready to grocery shop this weekend, I’ll have all the pantry and fridge space I need for healthier options. New recipes, revamping old ones to fit my guidelines. One thing I have held to since January 1, though, is that I still have not drank a single pop, this is HUGE for me! There has been pop in the house everyday, I could’ve drank a Dr. Pepper anytime I wanted, BUT I DIDN’T!!! #dontcallthepopsoda

Alrighty, song challenge time…

For day 15, a song I like that’s a cover by another artist…Sara Gazarek’s rendition of Billy Joel’s “And So It Goes.” She is one of my favorite jazz artists and she really slows this one down to make those lyrics hurt even more.

For day 16, a song that’s a classic favorite…yikes, there are a lot! I’m going to go with Blood, Sweat and Tears’ “God Bless the Child.” I mean, that song is great…but there’s also brass. A lot of brass. With huge lip slurs and everything, right up my horn player alley! 📯

My weekend will be filled with grocery and menu planning, sleeping in, re-cleaning and the-sanitizing my entire house now that we’re all well again…and maybe some gin…no, most definitely some gin. Cheers!

~~ Amie