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“I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.” Jack London

I had planned on a blog yesterday, but Monday got off to a horrible start. Not with the diet or exercise, just the little part about me finding out one of my neighbors hates me so much that she won’t allow her youngest child to play with my youngest child, and refuses to let her even come anywhere near my house. Did I take this personally? Hell yes I did! The part that is most infuriating is that I have absolutely no idea why. Her child actually told mine that she’s not allowed to play with her, she’s not allowed to go our house, and that she can’t tell her why because her mom told her not to tell us. Is it because we don’t go to church? Is it because I am one of those peace-loving, all-accepting, artsy, hippie liberals? Is it because I’m scatterbrained and my mom-brain never allows my mouth to actually say what I’m thinking and I come off sounding like a moron most of the time? Is it because we’re one of the very few families on our street who are not military? Is it because I stay in my home caring for little ones all day and don’t have what others view as a “real job”? Is it because I’m the only fat, unattractive woman on our entire street? I don’t know, but it broke my heart that, for whatever the reason, my child is being denied a friend who she really likes and gets along with great for a reason we’re not worthy of knowing.

So, my youngest is telling me this as we’re walking past this neighbor’s house on our way to the bus stop. As always, it takes just a minute for my emotions to sink in, by the time I turn around to see this neighbor’s kids running up the street as the bus pulls up, the tears start flowing. As I walk back down the street with my daycare kids, this neighbor is pulling out of her driveway and smiles and waves a me. Well, me still being nice little ol’ me, wipes the tears off my face with my sleeve and still gives a half-ass wave. It was very obvious I was crying, and she had no idea why — in fact, I had no idea why since apparently I’m not worthy of knowing why her kids aren’t allowed to have anything to do with us.

After that, I’m not gonna lie, I did not want to jump right in on the responsible, healthy eating when I got back home. But I did. It sucked, but I did. I really wanted a brownie, or a Philly cheesesteak, or some taquitos (can you tell the food cravings are consuming my every thought right now?!), but told myself that every time I put something in my mouth that I know I shouldn’t, I only delaying my own progress. Someday, when I have lost all the weight, when I’m in shape enough to adequately burn off all those excess calories, then I can have the occasional brownie for breakfast if I feel like shit some morning. Someday, one cheat day won’t set me back an entire week. I’m no where near there yet, and it is a struggle every damn day.

Let me tell you, though, the rest of yesterday went off just fine…despite the crappy start. My daycare kids had a great Monday (Mondays are typically the roughest day of our week), they learned how to say “where is the bathroom?” in Spanish! And since I don’t speak Spanish, I learned right alongside them. I got dinner ready on time for everyone else, but still ate my own diet-y dinner. I got in my 5K walk.

The second best part of my day happened during my walk. First off, it felt fantastic last night, perfectly warm temperature with a strong wind. Then, I saw the BIGGEST meteor I have ever seen. The brightest, red ball of fire soared across the entire sky and broke apart into 3 pieces before it burnt out. It lasted at least 15 seconds, in the grand scheme of things, that’s not a lot of time, but considering the meteors we usually catch barely last a split second — this was huge! It really made my night. I took in a deep breathe and let out all the frustrations of my morning, and I knew I am going to be just fine. I’m not filled with hate, I am sensitive to people and things around me, I want better for this world, and I am getting back to all the things that make me happy.

As for the thing that was the best part of yesterday…sorry, I’m keeping that one to myself this time . 😊

Song time! I went to see Sam Smith in Kansas City on August 18. He was simply amazing, the artistry of the show was phenomenal. If you have paid attention, most of my favorite artists are those who what you here on their albums is what get at their live shows. There’s nothing more disappointing than spending all that money on concert tickets only to get there and finding the voice you hear on the album has been so heavily altered that the music isn’t even close to what you know. NOT SAM SMITH! And ladies, back me up here, don’t we all just love to hear a man with a British accent? Yes, yes, we all know he is very openly gay, but we can still listen to him talk allllllll day, right? One of my favorite songs he performed that night is “One Day At A Time”. He said he wrote for all his closest friends back home and how he misses them so much while he’s on tour. Please, please, please go listen to this song…it’ll just make you feel good…❤️ Later, all!

~~ Amie

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