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“Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” Thomas Carlyle

Soooooo…the 7 day detox that a large group of us tested out ended last night and I did my final weigh-in this morning right when I woke up — I LOST A TOTAL OF 12 lbs IN 7 DAYS! And before anyone starts their belly achin’ and finger shakin’, we all ate every day, we were never deprived, and I diligently logged every day on My Fitness Pal and my vitamin/mineral intake was through the roof. Sure, I felt hungry the first couple days. I’m fat, of course I’m going to feel hungry in a detox.

The doctor who designed the detox followed us and checked in with us online every day to hear all of our cheers and jeers and make any tweaks needed to the program. There are a small handful of us who have decided to continue now that our bodies are in full ketosis and firing at optimal performance mode, so here on day 8 and I am beginning the cycle all over again and am going to stick with it a full 28 days leading up to my Belize trip!

I feel good, guys, real good. It’s not often I can say that. I want to get up and exercise, I want to get outside, I am not afraid to succeed. My mood is serene, my mind is clear, I can focus. Today, I forced all the kids outside the right as the last one arrived at 8:15am and we didn’t come in until I needed to make them lunch at 11:00am.

Another huge, HUGE thing I want to touch on is my spring allergies. I never had allergies until my mid to late 20s, I was told pregnancy can often trigger them later in life so that’s probably what happened with me since I’d had the first 3 babies with 4 1/2 years. My allergies hit hard late April and continue through May, it’s bad. Within seconds of stepping outside the itching in my eyes, nose, throat, and even the skin in my face, is so out of control I feel like I’m going insane. BUT NOT THIS YEAR. I haven’t sneezed once, haven’t rubbed an eye, haven’t contemplated ways to scratch the inside of my throat. My body is balanced and functioning how it was intended. Suck it, pollens! You’re not getting me this year!

Plans continue for the preschool next year! I’m also going to bust my butt getting my chops back in shape and find some orchestras to play with within driving distance. I really feel lost without a group to play with, not to mention it’s embarrassing to have degrees in music performance and not be performing. Lots and lots of work continuing in myself, lots more support with the weight loss at the moment, and feeling more peace than I’ve felt in a long time.

Tonight, I’ll leave you with some music from the classical part of my world. One of my favorite symphonies is Camille Saint-Saens’ Symphony No. 3 in c minor, the “Organ Symphony.” When I hear the poco adagio section, I melt…Every. Single. Time. You all may know the most recognizable part, the maestoso section at the end, from the movie ‘Babe,’ but you gotta close your eyes, lay back, and give that slow section in the middle a listen tonight. G’ night, all.

~~ Amie

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“Even though you are on the right track – you will get run over if you just sit there.” Will Rogers

So…again…I derailed. I don’t know how it happened, I just woke up one morning a few weeks ago and all motivation had left me overnight. There isn’t really an explanation why, I did have some extra work stresses these last several weeks, perhaps those affected me more than I thought! I snacked on ALL the crackers with the kids everyday, ate way too much at meals, didn’t exercise all that much…but I wasn’t really sad or depressed about it, in fact, I didn’t even feel all the disappointed in myself…weird, usually I am when I do this.

WELL, BACK TO IT! Yesterday, a large group of us who belong to the nutraceutical company I joined at the end of February are doing a newly designed 7-day detox program together. We all began yesterday, have a Private FB group that we’re chatting on, and have a nightly Zoom conference call to check in. The support has been outstanding, it is so much easier to navigate dieting with people to talk with about it daily.

I weighed myself before things started yesterday morning, then again this morning to see what the damage was after day 1. Was that right? I had to re-weigh myself several times, I even scooted the scale around to a few different places on the floor to make sure I wasn’t getting some weird reading because of uneven tiles or something…4 pounds?! Is it even possible to loose 4 pounds in one day? I did weigh myself several times yesterday morning to make sure I got a solid starting weight. According to the scale, I am down 4 pounds after day 1, holy shitballs!

So, about this 7 day detox we’re all doing…I know cleanses and detoxes are all the rage right now. I’ve done the 10 day shred that I’ve mentioned previously, and I loved it. People want to loose a decent chunk of weight very quickly by doing these things, just looking for a quick fix. Our 7 day detox was actually designed by a doctor — not some self-proclaimed nutrition and health expert — a real, established, educated, certified MD. He made sure all our nutrients are accounted for and everything we drink/eat is strategically placed at certain times throughout the day in order to create optimal effectiveness. I didn’t feel tired, weak, or jittery yesterday. I did have moments where I was legitimately hungry, my stomach was audibly growling and my daycare kiddos thoughts that was hilarious! But I ate/drank 6 times throughout the day, so anytime hunger was coming on it was usually time for another meal anyways — problem solved! I’ll let you all know how day 2 goes with a new update tomorrow!

One of the key products on this detox is the Hydrate. This one ensures no one becomes dehydrated or becomes depleted of essential sodium levels, critical during a detox phase as we are eliminating so many things for this short period of time! I drink this stuff everyday regardless of whether or not I’m detoxing, cleansing, working out, of sitting on the couch trying to empty the DVR of all my shows…it tastes sooooo good (fruit punch flavor), WAY better than any other sports drink I can buy at the grocery store. It is actually the original formula of one of the most popular sports drinks today (before they sold out to a big corporation and diluted the formula big time).

Plans continue with setting up my arts-based curriculum for my pre-school that I will begin August 2019! It is coming together so fast and so easily, I almost feel like I’ve got to be overlooking something! It is still going to be so hard not having tiny babies in my home anymore, this is the one part that’s really going to hurt when the transition from daycare to preschool actually happens. 😭 But I need the new schedule and the days off so badly, I’ve done so little for myself since becoming a mom, it’s long past time to get myself back in order!

I’ll leave you with a song that I have already heard about 5 times today — not something inspirational or deep. Nope. I’ve been watching reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air all morning…come on 90s kids, you know you can’t resist…ready?….”iiiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia, born and raised on a playground where I spent most of my days”…I’ll let you all finish the rest. Just know that when it’s stuck in your head the rest of the day (or possibly the rest of this week), I’ll be singing it right along with you! Ahh, growing up in the 90s. 😎

~~ Amie

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“Though the sex to which I belong is considered weak you will nevertheless find me a rock that bends to no wind.” Elizabeth I

Today I need to be a rock that bends to no wind. This is day 9 of this cleanse and I’m only allowed my supplements and all the fruits/veggies to can stuff into me…it’s 9:30 am, I’ve technically eaten breakfast twice already, and I’m frickin starving. This will be the only really hard day, but I’m going to frequently remind myself that the extremely intense labor of my first child, for which I had NO epidural, lasted 22 hours– this is nothing compared to that. I can make it until bedtime surviving on only fruits and vegetables. I can do this.

That fact that I didn’t get enough sleep last night isn’t helping my will power, either. But that lack of sleep is my own fault, I stayed up way too late sitting in my bedroom floor sorting and folding laundry while listening to my low & slow playlist (think Keith Sweat, R. Kelly, Luther Vandross…oh yes). Even though I was slaving away taking care of laundry, it provided my introverted self with some much needed alone time that missed out on over the weekend. I always need that solitude to recharge my socializing batteries, think clearly, makes plans, and of course listen to my own music without it somehow always ending up on one of the kids’ playlists. I can’t wait for Kansas to make up its mind and decide that spring is here to stay, then I can start going out for my nightly walks/runs again…fresh air, moonlight, inhaling the cedars, hearing owls, seeing bats flying and deer running around.

This morning, I want to let you all know about the liquid daily vitamin I’ve been taking with all my new health products. I had never taken a liquid vitamin before starting this one at the beginning of March, I had always taken the hard, pill-form multi-vitamins before. When taking the hard pills, I never noticed a difference in how felt before versus after taking them. I just assumed that my insides were functioning better since I had taken all those vitamins and given them what they needed. HOWEVER, liquid multi-vitamins are a game changer. I actually feel a difference on the days I forget to take it, I feel scattered, distracted, sluggish…but when I take them I feel mentally rejuvenated, alert, focused, grounded. Not to mention, it’s liquid so it starts absorbing into your body immediately, no waiting for you body to try and break down a rock hard pill. I’m sure many are very curious about the taste of a liquid vitamin…I was, too. This product is also made with all natural, non-GMO ingredients. The best I can describe it is like a super, extreme, syrupy, juice concentrate. The flavor is not terrible, just very intense fruity-vegetabley-herbaly. A quick 1 oz shot of this and I’m good for the day. Highly, highly, highly recommend this, I seriously can’t say enough good things about this product.

I’m keeping this post short and sweet today since today’s most intense day of my cleanse has visions of cheeseburgers dancing in my head. I can’t muster the creativity to link a song to today’s post, so I’ll leave you with the last song I listened to last night before calling it quits on the laundry…according to my playlist, I stopped in R. Kelly’s “It Seems Like You’re Ready.”

Wish me luck, send me all your good vibes today, I’m going to need it!

~~ Amie

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“Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments.” Bethenny Frankel

I may not have made the best investments in my diet bank account this weekend! 😕 Saturday, I judged the Kansas state championships for trampoline and tumbling, we always have great hospitality rooms for the meets in Emporia, KS (my former home of 15 years), but I did not think to plan ahead. I knew we’d be having some mouthwatering barbecue catered by BobbyD’s, and this Kansas girl never turns down good barbecue! On this cleanse however, I am supposed to omit all red meat and pork and slowly reintroduce them when it’s done. I should have asked beforehand which meats we’d having Saturday because this time we just had pulled pork and brisket, no turkey. I only opted for brisket for my protein since I could cut out any of the fat I saw.

Yesterday, I also cheated quite a bit. My husband is obsessed, and I really mean completely obsessed (like how I am with Christmas), with professional wrestling. Last night was Wrestlemania, so we had a buffet of snacks. Most of our snacks were very healthy, but I did eat quite a few dips that had cream cheese bases…surprisingly I did not feel awful after eating these cheat meals! I think this cleanse really has my insides functioning like a well oiled machine now.

Today is day 8 of the cleanse and I am supposed to eliminate all animal proteins, in addition to all the other things already outlined on the “NO” list. You can see the full cleanse program here! Day 9, I am to continue with all my natural, non-GMO supplements and cut back to only fruits, veggies, and whole grains. THEN, day 10 is my supplements plus all fruits and veggies for one day! After that, I slowly bring back in all the things I eliminated.I have continued loosing 1 pound a day, I imagine I would have lost 1 to 2 more if I hadn’t cheated for previous two days!

I’ll talk about the actual cleanse product today! What is in this tiny bottle is nothing short of a miracle, and still all natural and non-GMO. Most people, mainly us Americans who have poor diets, are not going to the bathroom as often as we should. We eat three meals a day, snack often, don’t drink enough water — then poop once, maybe twice, in a day. Yeah, I said it. Poop. I’m a mother of 4, and I run a daycare with 7 young children in my home 5 days a week, my days revolve around all the bodily functions of 12 other people (13 if you count my husband, too — yes, dear, don’t think I don’t notice everything with you too, it’s my wifely job!) — but I never give a single thought to my own. One single dropper of this product, once a day, for 7-10 days every 3-4 months is ALL YOU NEED. Does it taste good, you ask? Nope. Not at all. But I put my dropper full in a shot glass, add a splash of water, and shoot it. It’s done and over with in a fraction of a second — not unlike my unexpected Brazilian a few weeks ago! You don’t realize how out of whack your bowels are…until they aren’t. I didn’t realize how I’d become so used to living with things in my body not functioning as nature intended until all these issues slowly started correcting themselves since I’ve been on all these products.

My biggest news, I finally made my official decision in regards to some mentions I made to possibly changing up my work situation. I notified all my daycare families today in my newsletter that I will cease operating as a regular daycare on July 26, 2019. I will reopen 2 1/2 weeks later on the first day of school as an in-home preschool! I will run on the same schedule as the school district so I have all the same days off and vacation as my kids. No more early mornings, no more breakfasts, no more lunches, no more nap time, no more having children of such a wide age and development range. I am currently lining up my curriculum to match the district, and then adapting it to use all my music techniques. We are going to learn all the same things as every other preschool, but we’re doing it through the arts. ❤️🎶 This will be tough, though. I adore my babies in my daycare so much, it’s hard to imagine 15 months from now I won’t be loving on any tiny ones anymore. But with all these changes I will have more time with my kids and my husband, more days off, more time to focus on my own health and weight loss, more freedom to attend concerts/events, more flexibility to visit family and friends…and I get to make sure my preschoolers start off with s firm foundation in music. Not to mention, I will get more time to play again myself! My poor horn had been really neglected for a long time, there are several orchestras surrounding Manhattan that I could join.

So, to sum up this post…I cheated on my cleanse diet both days this weekend, and I talked about poop, and I’m sad I won’t be cuddling babies anymore in a year. Happy Monday to you all!😄 A great song to put this all together is Janet Jackson’s “Better Days”. She says it best, ” I gonna change my vibe, today the sun’s gonna shine, ’cause I made up my mind that today will be the start of better days.”

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“Without craftsmanship, inspiration is a mere reed shaken in the wind.” Johannes Brahms

Being inspired doesn’t mean squat if we don’t act on it, create something from it. I have time, only a little time, to actually sit and think each day as I rock my babies and toddlers to sleep for afternoon nap each day. Last week, I had a day where all 7 kids were asleep for a solid hour — I know, a true miracle! — and I sat at the kitchen table and actually ate lunch (this doesn’t typically happen Monday through Friday). Out of no where, an idea struck me. I really mean out of no where, my brain was no where near the topic when this idea exploded and interrupted all other thoughts. I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote it down before I forgot. And there it has sat since last week, just words scribbled on a piece of scratch paper. That idea will never see fruition unless I get up and do something about it. I live in a beautiful place, full of natural wonders and a great community, I can draw inspiration from the tiniest things I see every day. That should be enough motivation to see these creative bursts through, right? I mean, come on, look at the inspiration I live with every day here!

I have had so many wasted opportunities like this that I haven’t acted on. I really think the idea I had two weeks ago about transitioning my daycare to a preschool is one I need to act on and begin the process now. The book(s) idea I had last week while eating lunch is one I need to start on immediately, too. Why is this a thing I have become comfortable with in my adult years, having strokes of genius like this and never doing anything about them? I have the ability to be inspired by the simplest things around me, I can brainstorm ideas out of thin air…but I never act on them.

I have always done the same thing with my weight loss. I have great plans, creative new ideas, goals…but I just simply don’t do it. I really hope I haven’t somehow become fearful of success! I think this is one reason why the new line of health products I’m using is working so well for me, I’m not having to put a huge effort into unrealistic, drastic changes and yet I’m seeing immediate success. I am starting to feel the smallest tingling of self-worth trying to bubble up, something I haven’t felt very much of for the last 2 decades.

Since I have received many questions about what I’m using, I think I’ll touch on one of my new products in each blog post from here on out! The first supplement I’ll talk about is the organic sulfur found on this daily basics page. Sulfur supports joint, skin, hair and nail health. I absolutely cannot say this product alone has been responsible for alleviating specific problems, but I can tell you that since I started taking it (beginning of March), my hip pain continues to lessen every day, and my crunchy knees that I started feeling about 4 years ago are completely gone. Once again, I want to reiterate that none of these products cure any ailments, but they are designed to offer the body the support it needs in different areas to encourage healing and recovery…and I am feeling very supported. 😁

On this cleanse, so far I have lost 1 pound each day, yaaasssssssssss! And I haven’t even completed the first 5 days, Saturday I’ll reach the next phase where I eliminate a few more foods and up the fruit and vegetable intake even more. I started to feel the detox effects yesterday afternoon, but I am so pumped full of nutrients and hydration that I woke up for the this morning feeling completely normal. I’m also taking this bad a good sign that, even though I strayed from the diet for a while, the foods I was putting in my body went totally awful for me since the detoxing effects are far less and much more short lived!

Today’s song I’m going with one to reiterate the theme of this blog to myself, Toad the Wet Sprocket’s ” I Will Not Take These Things for Granted”. I need to get up and just get shit done, no more wasting time.

~~ Amie

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“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” Havelock Ellis

Work has continued to be pretty stressful since my last blog. So much so that I have given serious thought to completely revamping how I run things and possibly transition to a preschool setting so I can can run on my kids’ school schedule and actually have time off with my kids whenever they have off from school. But I just love having babies here so much, it would be so hard for me to give them up! I am still leaving this option open and am continuing to work out details because it would definitely be in the best interest of my family…and myself.

But enough of that — ON TO THE DIET! The nutraceutical company I joined at the beginning of January has their own month-long cleanse program that had me very intrigued from the beginning, I have nothing to loose but more weight, so I decided to give it a go! I started the program yesterday and in some ways it is similar to the 10-day shred that I have done a few times, but for the most part it is very different than most others I’ve seen. This one has you cut out very specific fruits that are high on the glycemic index to reduce acidity even faster to return your body to an alkaline state. It also has you eliminate red meat and pork for the month — this is something I have never done before and I’m very curious to see how it affects my weight loss over the next month. I felt great yesterday, I still almost grabbed a pizza roll off the tray as I walked by, not necessarily because I wanted it, but more out of bad habit!

Another aspect I’m very curious about is seeing how putting a serious effort into being as alkaline and balanced as I can be will affect my horrid Kansas seasonal allergies. My personal peak season is late April on into May, a little later that most Kansans, and I have no idea what flares up my allergies other than that it blooms in late spring/early summer, but GOOD GOD it is the most miserable 1-2 months! Most days I can barely take two steps out the front door before feeling like I want to scratch my face off. I have heard endless testimonials from people using these products who have addressed their allergy issues with great success, I would really like to be one of those people since my allergy meds work less and less with each year.

Back to the weight loss, though…two months until Belize and come hell or high water I WILL be buying new clothes and a new swim suit in a different size before I go! I will also have one last waxing the day before I leave. 😁 My friends and I have planned our excursions and I want to be able to hike through the ruins with ease.

So overall, the last week has been extremely stressful work-wise, but the weight loss is back on track and my motivation has returned. The treadmill and weights are getting daily use. ALSO, on Saturday night, I saw LIVE IN CONCERT Vanilla Ice, Rob Base, Coolio, Tone Loc, and Young MC!!! They are all currently on the I Love the 90s tour…it was like I was in high school all over again! All three of my girls came with me and had a blast dancing and singing all night. I think a great song to sum up this post is one from the concert that speaks to the journey I am on right now…I’m taking Coolio’s “Fantastic Voyage”. And yes, I saw him do it live!!!

~~ Amie

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“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” Lao Tzu

I’m going to give a good, in-depth update to the diet saga…but first, let’s talk about the pain I eluded to in my opening quote. Let’s talk waxing. I have gotten my legs and bikini line waxed several times now because of the impending girls trip to Belize. I do not want to pack razors, shaving cream, and I do not want to sacrifice any time to leg hair maintenance when I could be spending that time drinking on the beach! So, I planned out my leg/bikini waxing sessions by starting with the day before my trip, then working backwards in 6-week increments between sessions. Last weekend, I had another session, I had scheduled just a standard legs and bikini line — or so I thought.

She begins waxing my legs and we’re chit chatting away. She finishes my lower legs, and starts working up my upper legs towards my bikini line. When she reaches the bikini line I notice she’s really being extra precise and thorough this time, even switched back and forth a few times between the regular melty wax and the hard wax. And then it happened. With one slather of hot, gooey wax and one pull of a strip, I received my first ever Brazilian. In approximately .3127 seconds, that tiny strip of cloth covered in wax and hair was tossed straight into the trash right along with any shred of modesty I was still clinging to at age 39 (which wasn’t a lot, but now I got none). I was not mentally or physically prepared for it, though. She heard me suck in a sharp, quick breathe and apologized for not giving warning or counting to 3 before she pulled. She then said she knew eventually I’d want to get a Brazilian, so she wasn’t surprised to see that I had finally requested that for this appointment. Soooooooo…apparently the services requested were entered into the computer incorrectly, because there was no mistake that I was on the schedule for a Brazilian, I just didn’t actually schedule it. I’m not mad at all, though — what’s done is done, and it’s not like we can put it back! I gotta say, what I’ve heard from other women is true, it is very liberating. And now I reeeeaaaalllly don’t have to worry about my bikini line, because there is no more line!

Alright, enough about my nether regions, back to the diet! I have been holding strong taking all my new health products, taking all my nutraceutical supplements and I have been feeling great, but my metabolism has started to tank again and the cravings are fierce. I have decided to do a very gradual month long cleanse. The guidelines are already fully laid out on my new business’s web site, it will be an intense month but I am willing to fully commit to this to reboot my system (the same way the 10 day shred did before). I beefed up my autoship order for this month to make sure I had any and every product I would possibly need during April, including ones to ensure extra hydration and nutrients. The next month will be intense, and the first week I bet I’m not going to in the greatest of moods, but that’ll pass quickly!

In the mean time, my husband has also started his own diet. Once I’m back on track after my cleanse, it’ll be much easier to plan meals with the two adults in the house eating very conscientiously.

I’ve also been contemplating some big changes pertaining to how I run my daycare. All these years with only major holidays off are taking their toll on me. I feel like I’m missing out on my own 4 kids’ lives while taking care of everyone else’s. Not to mention, I’m leaving no time to take care of myself and I desperately need that time to make my weight loss successful — and permanent. But more on work at a later date….

In parting, I’d like to thank all my Catholic friends for all the great deals on fish and seafood I have been able to take advantage of since mid-February. Also, good luck in holding strong on whatever you gave up for these last few days of Lent, hopefully you all gave up truly sacrificial things and not something silly like pop. #dontcallthepopsoda

I think there is only one song that I can leave you with to sum up this post, I’m going with Nazareth’s “Love Hurts”. Not unlike love, I’m sure Brazilians also get a little easier and hurt a little less each time.😫

~~ Amie

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“It’s amazing. Life changes very quickly, in a very positive way, if you let it.” Lindsey Vonn

…and that, folks, is what is taking place inside my body right now. Positive changes that are already affecting my life after just 9 days. I mentioned a little over a week ago that I joined a health and wellness company, mainly for the products but there is also potential for making a decent chunk of change along the way. These nutraceutical products that I’ve been using for only 9 days are blowing my mind.

Now, I know yesterday’s blog post was a major downer, I was so incredibly upset (and I still am), but after I got all the crying out of my system last night…now I’m ready to get back to me. If someone in my life is so miserable that they want to take me down with them, I need to be mentally and emotionally strong enough to not allow them. Which brings me back to my new regime…

I noticed by the end of day 3 that my energy and mood were soaring — on a Monday. Mondays are the worst days in my house, my own kids don’t want to get back to the daily grind, my daycare kids aren’t ready for moms and dads to go back to work either, and I typically begin the week extremely tired from massive sleep loss. But not this last week. I wrote out a little daily schedule of when to take all my supplements and when to eat.

Guys.

GUYS!

I’m telling you, things are shifting internally already and it feels good…real good. I made no attempt to count calories, or even necessarily eat all that healthy, and I dropped 3 POUNDS last week. Just by adding in all the nutrients of which I am regularly deprived. And as mentioned before, my moods have been all over the place lately due to stress, lack of sleep, lack of exercise, emotional challenges in my household, and frustration over weight loss. But I’m telling you, I was shocked when I found myself maintaining a calm, peaceful demeanor when faced with my daily challenges. By Friday, when I sat back and reflected on my first week, I was almost in tears realizing that bits and pieces of the old Amie are starting to shine through again.

Another HUGE positive change is the return of my focus and memory. Most days, my short term memory is so ridiculous, it’s embarrassing. I know it all stems from how pregnancy hormones ravaged my brain 4 times over. I can get really upset thinking of the things my brain used to be care able of…breaking down the theoretical and structural analysis of an entire symphony, memorizing solos, being able to read a book quickly and not reread pages over and over because I can’t focus enough to retain the content. But I was able to stay motivated and on top of tasks all week! I thought my brain function was a lost cause, but I heading for a comeback!

Sleep. Holy shitballs, I am actually sleeping! For the first time in 17+ years, I am feeling like I am starting to get decent amounts of quality, deep sleep…and it’s only increasing each night.

Another huge help this week I have to credit my child #2. She desperately wants to work and earn money, but she is only 13. She and I made up a list of chores that I need the most help with for daycare; she had been coming straight home from school every day and going straight to work in all the things I struggle to get done. She has been an absolute life saver and I am incredibly thankful for what she’s doing. Being able to wake up each morning and start the day with the entire house already 100% clean is alleviating an enormous load of stress from daycare.

I think a good song to sum up all these beautiful new twists abs turns to my health is Pharrell’s “Brand New”. I know I mentioned it before during my 30-day song challenge, but go have a listen, it’s such an upbeat, positive, happy song — and it is GREAT for the workout playlist!

G’night y’all!

~~ Amie

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“Tears come from the heart and not from the brain.” Leonardo da Vinci

Leonardo da Vinci said is best in the opening quote above. And when the heart is hurt continually, sometimes the tears spill into the dish water while you stand in the kitchen at 10:00pm, wearing your pajamas, angrily scrubbing pots and pans. At least no one can hear your tears when they fall into the sink…can’t say the same for the sobs…but at least the tears fall silently…

There was a plan to go out on the town tonight, there is a very famous fake holiday in Manhattan, KS that happens the Saturday before St. Patrick’s Day every year. 🍀Fake Patty’s Day🍀 I’ve lived here through 5 of these fake holidays and haven’t gone once. This year was supposed to end that streak of staying at home while the whole town is out having a great time, drinking drinks that have been dyed green, wearing ridiculous green clothes and accessories, reading the hilarious tweets the Riley County Police Department posts all day/night, taking crazy pictures of their fun all night with people they love to spend time with. As you probably guessed by the foreshadowing in the opening paragraph, I did not go. Again.

I made dinner early, had hair/makeup done and was dressed and ready to go at 6:30. Then, there I sat. Dressed in my Fake Patty’s Day goin’-out clothes for 3 hours before I gave up and changed into my pajamas, all the while choking back tears. I washed off my makeup, took my contacts out, and went to the kitchen to anger-clean because it’s the only productive thing I could think to do while my kids all stared at the rivers that had started flowing down my cheeks . And they knew why. They always know why mom’s crying. I try so hard not to do it in front of them, but continually being disappointed and let down, I mean come on, I can only be strong enough for so long before there’s nothing left to hold it in anymore.

This was the shittiest way to end this week, too. I had such great success with my new health and wellness products, I am in shock and completely amazed at the immediate changes I saw after only using these new products for 8 days. I’ll try and be positive and motivated to write about them tomorrow, but not now while I am so sad.

I have a team meeting tomorrow afternoon for my new health and wellness business, then I’m off to the Stiefel Theater in Salina, KS to relax and hear some beautiful classical music for the evening. I have 2 tickets, so one of my kids will get to be my date (oh lord, can you imagine any of my kids sitting through a orchestral concert, completely unplugged of all electronics for over an hour?!). Then, when I get home, I’ll plan out how I’m going to navigate the silent-treatment waters, yet again. This time, though, I cannot be the one to end the silence and speak up. I can’t be the one setting everything straight again when I haven’t a clue what even happened in the first place. All I know is that far too often someone decides he is going to be mad at all of us in this house, but we don’t get to know why. We all have to guess what set him off and then just tip toe around on eggshells trying not to anger him when none of us have a clue what is even going on. Then, as suddenly as the anger came on, he acts like we were all acting crazy because he was never mad about anything, we all just imagined it, totally made it up inside our heads. This is mentally and emotionally exhausting, and I can’t do it anymore.

I am going to pick a song that does NOT describe my current feelings tonight. I’m picking Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect”…because I wish there was someone in this world who thought of me like this. There should be, but there isn’t. Goodnight to you all, tomorrow will be better….

~~ Amie

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“Making a big life change is scary. But you know what’s even scarier? Regret.” Zig Ziglar

I made a decision this week that I feel is going to have a huge impact of my life. Huge, positive impact on my weight loss, my finances, my stress, my time with my family, and my future. I joined a health and wellness company with products that could potentially put an end to this feud I’ve had going on with my weight for 17 years. By joining this company and getting in on nearly the ground level, I will have a huge potential for extra income, which will allow me to lessen my daycare capacity over the next year as some of my babies leave me as they age up into preschool.

I realized quite a while ago that my favorite days at daycare are the days when schedules end up as such that I only have 3 kiddos. present. Those are the days when I feel like I really accomplish educational things with them and spend good, quality time with each child. And it doesn’t matter which children are here, just that 3 seems to be my magic number when it comes to childcare. Being as so many other daycares opt to not accept infants, I think I’d like to only accept infants. This way, I’d also have some built in space for an occasional toddler if the opportunity ever came along for a set of siblings. Plus, babies are my forte! I am so confident in my baby whispering abilities, but with toddlers I feel so lost sometimes when it comes to the tantrums and discipline, I feel I let them get away with too much because I’m afraid of being too harsh and skewing the line of some of the laws/regulations. So, I err on the side of caution and end up stressing myself out beyond belief.

How does this all pertain to the ol’ diet, you ask? ALL OF IT PERTAINS TO THE OL’ DIET! When I’m calm, confident, and successful, my eating and exercise habits are outstanding. When I’m frazzled, unsure and feeling like a failure, I don’t even try to eat right or get up and move. Believe me, I have felt like such a failure the last month…I tried to reboot the diet this week and lasted for one day (actually, not even that whole day, I gave up by dinner).

This is why I really want to throw myself into these new health and wellness products and document this entire process for you each day. I am the perfect person to try out these products, too, I am a total skeptic so you can all but rule out placebo effect with me! Before I decided to take the plunge, though, I searched the Internet high and low for testimonials — positive AND negative — and couldn’t find any negative. My products are arriving at my house today and I’m going to sort them and plan how often and what time of day to take everything. So, away we go!

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Just as I was typing that first bit, my products arrived! I received a crash course in all the items, and some useful tips as well! I spread out all my new goodies on the floor and devised a plan for when I’m eating and/or drinking each of these products (I had 3 things back ordered, but I factored them into the routine and will add them whenever they arrive).

I’m sorry I haven’t had recommendations of new recipes or pics of diet-y foods lately. I warned you guys, when I stray from the diet, I straaaaaaaaayyyy from the diet. Like a long and winding road to Strayville where I take an nice, open-ended vacation. But I now have 3 months until Belize, things are getting real. Reservations are made, plane tickets are bought, passports are being processed. I always have it in my mind that Mondays are start days for new routines, but I’m going to start tomorrow with all my new products. I judge a gymnastics meet in Topeka for 5 hours tomorrow (not the usually 9-10hrs), so there’s no reason I can’t plan ahead enough to make it through one lunch and one afternoon snack outside of the house.

So, here’s to huge, positive changes! *glass clinks all around* if I had to choose a song that best fit today, I would go with something a little unexpected from my classical side…Claude Debussy’s “La Cathédrale Engloutie,” translating to “the sunken cathedral.” The story I was told in one of my music theory classes was that Debussy was inspired to write this when he was standing in front of a beautiful cathedral in France after a rainstorm, he looks down and sees the cathedral reflected in a giant puddle in front of his and imagines it is another cathedral exists in the water below. To me, it’s about imagining what worlds lie beyond what we see in our present, imagining what other worlds could exist. I’m going push myself to start seeing myself existing in a world where I am already at a healthy weight and active again, where I am already doing exactly what I want for a living, already buying clothes in the sizes I need to be wearing, already seeing the numbers on the scale that I should be seeing. Sure, you can’t ignore the present, but maybe I can change my mindset and start seeing my life play out how it will when I reach my goals…instead of my goals being impossible daydreams that seem too far away and ridiculous to grasp. Night, all…

~~ Amie

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